Another Halloween is gone. Peanut wasn't feeling up to par and had fits over his costume. We eventually convinced him to wear it and all went out for a little trick-or-treating fun.

When we got home, I noticed this in his bag:


Why do people feel the need to give this absolute crap to children? Why? I respect that some Christians feel obligated to spread the good word. I respect that some feel Halloween is a pagan holiday to be avoided. That's fine with me. Please, turn off your porch light and don't participate. Don't instead say "I"m out of candy, but I have a book instead." My child is already terrified that he is going to die. We've had horrible meltdowns about it. The knowledge of a happy afterlife where we'll all be together is of no comfort to him. All he knows is that someday we die and that's VERY SCARY. So please, do not put your hateful shit into his bag, telling him his dog will be euthanized if he doesn't pray.

***

Weirdly I had lunch with several friends the day before Halloween. Two are devout Christians and one is like me, she's not church-going but was raised with religion. One is a very good friend and practices what she preaches. She's not judgmental but talks about God and her beliefs out of love. The other is a bit judgmental so I usually let the two of them talk with an occasional comment. AS we were discussing something relating to afterlife she looked at me and said "selzach, we've never really talked about your beliefs, what do you believe?" Talk about being put on the spot. I was honest. I told them I was raised Protestant and that I'm not completely sure of my beliefs. I pray, but I'm not always certain I believe in God. I'm not certain of heaven - I'd love to believe there is one, but I feel that when we die our energy dissipates and rejoins the rest of the universe.

I'm really glad I didn't ask what I was thinking when they were talking about near-death experiences: what if the feeling of peace and the light seen during near-deaths are actually a biological function of dying and not a spiritual experience?

I'm sure the more judgmental friend feels bad for me that I don't fully believe. And it is kind of sad. I would love to be convinced in God and that a wondrous afterlife is waiting for me. But I can't force myself to believe. Nor do I want to force myself into belief out of fear of hell. I think God wants us to love Him fully, not out of fear of the alternative.

Hubby and I may gripe about the stupid calls he takes for work, but he does get valid ones, too.

He was home for lunch break with the boys and me. A call came on the radio, Hubby replied and dashed out the door. I heard the siren wailing as he hurried down the street. He called a short while later to let me know he was OK. A two-year-old child was drowning in a pool and he was the closest unit to the scene. EMS was already there and had revived the child and were readying for transport to the hospital.

***

He's recently had a lot of calls dealing with unruly teenagers. There was the boy who was acting belligerent and threatening toward his mom. Hubby's method of dealing with him: "It doesn't take much of a man to threaten a woman. Why don't you try someone your own size - see what happens."

Another family with a troubled teenage daughter who was refusing to go to school: Hubby read her the riot act. It sounds like she has serious emotional problems and the parents are in the process of getting her into a residential program. Good for them.

The best was the tweens with 'tude. They were riding up and down their rural road on a 4-wheeler and yelling obscenities at a neighber. The neighbor got fed up and called the police dept. Hubby took the call. Driver girl starts in with the attitude "This is my 4-wheeler and I can ride it where I want..." Hubby cuts her off with "I'm not your Daddy and I'm not your friend. Give me your parent's phone number now, and your friend's too. If you keep up the attitude, you're going to JAC and I'm impounding the 4-wheeler." Her Dad was surprised to discover she wasn't riding on their driveway, alone (the girls were a couple miles from their house, with no helmets or other safety gear, illegally riding on a public road). While waiting for the dads, another neighbor shows up to speak to Hubby. She's a bus driver and the girl ignored flashing red lights to pass her bus while kids were crossing the street. Both dads got an earful and a recommendation to take the keys away.

Seriously, who lets their 12-year-old ride a 4-wheeler without a helmet or supervision?

So, my work. I've really been enjoying it. I've learned a couple new techniques and have been participating in some exciting research projects. The good post-doc and coworker are intelligent and a lot of fun to work with. Bad post-doc, who I've started calling Dr. Evil and her helper, Mini Me have been tolerable, although we get the feeling that discord is brewing.

Things weren't so great a couple of months ago. Dr. Evil and Mini Me were up to their old tricks of trying to monopolize lab equipment and acting surly toward the rest of us. We implemented an online calendar shortly after Good Coworker arrived, to help resolve conflicts over scheduling high demand equipment. The rest of us do well with it, but Dr. Evil has a habit of ignoring the calendar, just plain not using it, or running over into other peoples' time. It all came to a head when Good Coworker scheduled several days on the equipment (a month in advance). Dr. Evil suddenly decided she needed to do a time-limited study the week Good Coworker was supposed to use it. She had already been warned by Big Boss not to get nasty with Good Coworker, so she sent Mini Me to do her bidding. A couple of heated exchanges followed, overheard by me. Mini Me threatened to take it to Big Boss and Good Coworker agreed that was a good idea. Good Coworker was able to speak to Big Boss first and explained the situation. Mini Me sent a pointed email to Big Boss explaining how unreasonable Good Coworker was and that they had an IMPORTANT TIME LIMITED EXPERIMENT TO RUN (all of our experiments are time-dependent to some point, but nevermind that). Big boss replied and forwarded to reply to everyone and basically asked us to cooperate with one another. By that point, Good Post-doc had enough. He'd been bumped by Dr. Evil numerous times and had always let it slide. He wrote anamazing response basically stating that the whole point of the calendar was to avoid such conflicts, that he was tired of others in the lab not respecting the calendar, that all our experiments are important, that disregard of the calendar had resulted in sub-optimal experiments for him, and lack of planning was the fault of the planner and should not be an excuse to upset everyone else's experiments.

At that point, Big Boss realized how bad the problem was and scheduled a lab meeting. He was preparing to go out of town on a family emergency, so the meeting was to be a short one at the end of the day. He clearly stated that he wanted to discuss projects first and then we'd get onto other issues. Dr. Evil immediately started yelling about the scheduling issue. Big Boss shut her down, told her not to raise her voice, and that we'd get to that after discussing projects. The meeting quickly devolved into her again griping about how the rest of us shouldn't even be using that piece of equipment since it's in a special area designated for the research she does. I guess she forgot that Good Coworker works on the same project. Big Boss corrected her and stated that all our equipment is for the whole lab's use. Then she went on about Good Post-docs email and how it offended her by calling into question her scientific capabilities. (He never named any names). She then tried to blame Good Coworker for the heated conversation with Mini Me. I chimed in that I overheard the exchange and that Mini Me wasn't using a very nice tone and that we all need to be respectful to one another. (Something the two of them are not.) Yeah, it was entertaining.

I did not want to go into work the next day with Big Boss gone and not knowing if Dr. Evil still had a big chip on her shoulder. It turned out OK. She avoided/ignored Good Coworker for a couple weeks after that and was surprisingly nice to me - I think she realized Big Boss and I were on the same side and it wasn't a good idea to treat me the way she treats Good Coworker. Mini Me pointedly gave the rest of us the silent treatment for a few weeks (which none of us minded).

Things have slowly gotten back to normal. For now.

Hubby and I regularly laugh/bitch about the stuff he has to put up with at his job. He was called into court twice last week, something he doesn't really enjoy since many times it falls on his days off. The first was for an armed robbery and the defendant pled and received 10 years in prison and 10 years probation. He was a prior offender, yadda yadda.

The second date was for a b.s. traffic ticket. A kid was speeding and Hubby clocked him with radar. Rather than paying the fine and doing traffic school to avoid points(online or by renting a DVD and completing a test)the kid had to waste everyone's time and taxpayers' money by taking it to court. The judge always starts with the same schpiel: if you were clocked with radar/laser, the officer is present, the officer is trained on said equipment, the equipment is calibrated and the officer has the calibration paperwork, then the burden is on you to prove innocence. Several people before the kid pled and requested points be withheld (again, you get the same results by doing traffic school). The kid didn't get it. He wanted to fight the ticket and, unsurprisingly, lost. So not only does he pay the ticket, he pays court fees and now has points.

Mom's place is sold! It's such a burden off my shoulders. Hubby and a friend moved the heavy pieces into storage yesterday (she's down to a bed, dresser, and TV plus clothes, and some mementos/decorative things.) I signed the title over to the new owner today. She paid in cash, so I got to the bank as fast as I could to deposit it. Mom's still having ups and downs, but seems to be staying the course on discharge status.

Bean had both ears infected this week. He and I have had a yucky cold for about a week and a half. I'm actually surprised it took so long, as congested as he's been. He was sent home from daycare with a fever on Tuesday. We hightailed it to the peds office on Wednesday, figuring it was either an ear or H1N1 (one kid in his room has had the flu, although I'm not sure if he was tested and one of the ladies in the office has confirmed H1N1 now). The visit was rough. He wants nothing to do with medical professionals, they forgot us in the exam room (for about an hour), and he required ear washes for the nurse practitioner to get a look in there. Poor little guy. He was a trooper, though.

The boys really missed each other. Peanut was so sad when I dropped him off at Pre-K without little brother. Bean kept pointing at his carseat and asking for "Peanut? Peanut?" when we left for the peds appointment.

Bean had his 15 month well-baby check yesterday. He's back on the charts for height, in the 10th percentile and is meeting all his milestones.

Other than that, the visit was awful. He cried as soon as we crossed the threshold into the back examining area. He cried/screamed any time the nurses would so much as look at him. Then came the shots - 4 of them. It was so bad Peanut started to cry, too. When all was done I patted both boys and asked Peanut if he was OK.

"That was killing me, Mommy."

Me, too.

God, I'm glad my kids are healthy and here.

I went to the hair salon last night for a cut. All the stylists were busy, so I sat an waited for a while. Two of the customers seemed to know each other and were talking. The one woman's son is in critical condition at a specialty hospital. He was riding with a friend and their truck was hit by a friggin train. The crossing mailfunctioned and the arms never came down, so the boys had no idea. Her son is doing well, but not out of the woods. The driver needs surgery but has swelling of the brain and probably will not survive. I said a prayer for the boys and their families and have been constantly thinking of them. I can't imagine what those moms are going through.

Hubby completed PIT (P.I.T.?) training a couple of weeks ago. I so want to do that. They got to ram other cops off the track.

He went into the class worried about back injuries. Several other deputies have complained of sore backs after the class. Hubby was pleasantly surprised that his back felt better after it.

***

My work situation has been interesting. The shit hit the fan a few weeks ago with the coworker who gives us all problems. Thing seem to have settled down for now.

I'm having one of those poor me days and I'm not sure why. I have loving family & friends, a home, a job, and my health.

Some possibilities:

I'm sad my parents' visit is over (they were here for the weekend and are now enjoying a few sunny days at the beach).

I'm exhausted. Bean is waking 1-3 times a night coughing and choking on snot. It's the neverending cold.

Peanut was upset that I'll be picking him up from Pre-K today. He wanted Hubby. We had (another) little talk about how saying things like "Not again. I don't want you." is hurtful. I'm sick of the whining and bitching that pours forth from his mouth. Hubby and I are doing our best to work on his attitude and ingratitude.

Mom is on discharge status. Her mobile home needs to be sold, sooner rather than later. I cleaned it on Labor Day, then had the joy of more cleaning at my house. I'm so glad Mom is doing better but very, very apprehensive about her discharge and transition to living in the ALF. At least it's at a place she lived in before and she specifically requested it. Money is also going to be an issue.

We had another awesome vacation visiting with Hubby's family. Nanna and Papaw spoiled the kids rotten. We played at the lake on their Sea-doo. We picnicked at the creek with Nana and Hubby impressed Peanut with his stone-skipping skills. Hubby and I were able to go on a date while the granparents watched they boys.

The familly drama goes on. Youngest SIL was convicted on her DUI charges and has a conditional license for a year. She can only drive her vehicle with an installed breathalyzer. The problem: she works for DOT and must drive state vehicles. Somehow, medical leave for knee surgery coincided with the whole mess and she is allowed up to 1 year of leave to recover. Meanwhile, she's not wearing her knee brace and is either going to eff it up even more or will be accused of falsely taking leave.

We had a weekend visit with Mom that went surprisingly well. She may go onto discharge status next month and is hoping to return to the mental health ALF she stayed at several years back. I'm all for it. She's made some mention of wanting to eventually return to her mobile home. No longer an option, IMHO.

Mom and I were nearly hit by a careless/reckless driver during the visit. We all were out for a walk and crossing the intersection at the end of our street (it's dangerous - the street curves right before the stop sign, so there's a bit of a blind spot and people fly through and run the stop sign all the time). Hubby had gotten across with the stroller and Mom and I were right in the middle of the intersection as a car came flying around, the driver on his cell. I grabbed her and stopped - we didn't know which way to go. Hubby yelled and the guy swerved as he noticed us. Hubby shined his flashlight at the car and yelled for the guy to stop. He cruised through the intersection, with Mom and me still in the middle of the road. Hubby and I both got a good look at the driver and his tag #. Hubby ran it as soon as we got home, got the driver's info and had an on-duty coworker issue a citation for running the stop sign. Of course, the dude said he's going to fight it in court. When the cop explained that he had nearly hit pedestrians and was told to stop he came up with a story about being scared because Hubby was yelling and shining a light at him. That still doesn't make his reckless driving right.

It'll be interesting if it goes to court. I think the driver will be very surprised when Hubby testifies as a witness.

Life's been busy since the last post.

Bean started vomiting later in the day after the infection diagnosis (we think he had a tummy bug). It was exacerbated by the Augmentin. At a follow-up on Monday we were told to discontinue it and there were no signs of an infection. Viral? Misdiagnosis? Who knows.

Since then we've had several rounds of illness. Mysterious fevers. A Sunday night trip to the ER for Bean with a 105.1 temp. Nurse and Dr. both agreed it was an ear infection and gave IV antibiotics. At the peds follow-up the next day, no sign of an ear infection (again). WTF? Five days later, another peds visit for fevers in both boys and a mild rash on Peanut. Negative Strep tests. Next day we figure out out - Peanut has the classice Fifth Disease "slapped cheeks". Bean follows a few days later. A week later, another after-hours ER visit, this time for Peanut with fever, head and neck aches and photosensitivity. Tylenol does nothing. Not meningitis (thank goodness). They don't run any tests since he just had a Strep test. Fever continues on-and-off for about a week, so I take him back. We see the awesome Nurse Practitioner. She does Strep test and a urine culture. It's Strep. We leave for vacation that night. Luckily the antibiotics do their trick. Two days after we get back, Bean comes down with tummy bug and pukes all over his bed and ours. Hubby and Peanut come down with it this weekend. Peanut wakes in the middle of the night, crying and stated "My tuuuuummmmmyyyy huuuuuurts" before hurling all over our bed. The screaming and crying wake up Bean. Hubby washes Peanut while I strip the bed and comfort Bean.

Now I'm waiting for my turn. And daycare just called - Bean puked all over his bed at naptime. Great.

Bean has another ear infection. Poor little dude. He tossed and turned all night and was plain pitiful this morning. He zonked out on his Boppy only a couple of hours after getting up. I'm so glad the peds office has Saturday hours.

He's a sharp guy. He says hi anytime someone is talking on the phone. He has learned "Uh-oh" which is frequently used after he throws a toy down (not quite how uh-oh us supposed to work...) He can almost say his brother's name. He understands "blow kissies" and "love on Peanut" (he crawls over to Peanut and lays his head on him. So cute!)

Work's good. I've been very busy, which I love. If only the nast post-doc would change her bad attitude. 3 out of 4 of us can't stand her. I think person #4 flip-flops on her opinion. Right now they're getting along thick as thieves, but we have a feeling that will change as a late-July deadline approaches...Post-doc is procrastinating as always and our coworker will likes receive the brunt of hostility as tension builds.

The 3 of us vent our frustrations by discussing what mean/stupid/bizarre crap comes out of the post-doc's mouth. It's pretty funny. The new employee is awesome. She will not tolerate the crap the post-doc lays on her and has no problem with going to the big boss if things get out of hand. So far the post-doc has tried to lay blame on her for something she let sit around for a week, then claimed it was the new employee's fault that it was late. She's supposed to be turning a bunch of projects over to the new employee and that has been a circus. Everything is half-assed and disorganized. The other coworker and I have been helping out wherever we can.

Bean is a year old! How did the past year go so quickly? His birthday was Friday and he celebrated by getting over a very nasty ear infection. We had several rough nights, including at least one night with a temperature of 104.5 F (this was with Motrin every 6 hours. As soon as he'd hit that 6 hour mark, the temperature would spike.) He was feeling better on Saturday for his party and a good time was had by all. We had just a few friends over to celebrate. We had time to sit and chat while the kids amused themselves. It was relaxing and a whole lot of fun. Bean enjoyed shredding the wrapping paper. He was less sure about the cake, but did make a mess! He got a bunch of adorable clothes and a couple of really cool toys. Hubby and I caved into Peanut and bought the boys a water table later in the weekend. It's been one of the best gifts ever. Both boys love it and make a huge mess playing with it. Thank goodness for tile floors and towels!

On Sunday Bean developed a rash. It turned out not to be an allergic reaction but is indeed a reaction to the antibiotic. The ped checked him on Monday and gave the all clear to finish the course of meds.



Work's been busy, the annoying post-doc still gets on my nerves, Mom is still a mess, and mosquito season is upon us. In other words, things are moving along as usual.