Ahhhh...things are settling back to "normal". Peanut was sick last week with a nasty cold/virus that turned into two infected ears and bronchiolitis. We're all set with a nebulizer at home as the doctor is suspicious he may develop asthma. It's very possible he had RSV, so at least the $$$ vaccine kept him out of the hospital. He probably picked the bug up from daycare - a little girl had a snotty nose about 2 weeks ago and I had that bad feeling. Peanut was generous and shared his germies with us. I'm finally feeling human again after a week of sinus pain and clogged ears. Hubby is still getting over bronchitis and we're beginning to think he may need round 3 of antibiotics (he's already had round 1 for a respiratory infection and round 2 for bronchitis). Amazingly, Peanut doesn't mind the nebulizer. It has a binkie attachment that he really likes. It's positioned so while he sucks on the binkie, it blows medicine at his nose. We did have a scary episode of tremors with Albuter0l, so he was put on another med that seems not to have as bad side effects, although he does seem to get hyped up after treatments. One afternoon last week, I was so tired I laid him in the bassinette after a treatment while I tried to doze on the bed. Peanut wiggled and kicked for a good 45 minutes, fell asleep for maybe 30, then was squirming again.

Peanut just amazes me and brings such joy. He's 12 lbs now and into 3 month clothes - not too shabby for a 4-month-old baby that was 6 1/2 weeks preemie. He smiles a lot and is finally learning to entertain himself. Yesterday when I got to daycare, I started talking to him and he ignored me. He was way too interested in the colorful things hanging from the ceiling. When I got up close where he could see me, he broke into a huge, gummy smile. Later, while changing him at home, he got talkative. I started tickling his neck which brought out peals of giggles. When I smooched his cheeks, the giggling continued (a first). So I called Hubby and laid the phone next to Peanut while he cooed and giggled away. It was one of the best moments ever.

Things with Hubby and me haven't been going so smoothly. We're both tired, stressed and have been sick. Last week I stayed home with Peanut, but ended up doing a lot of the baby care even though I felt like utter crap. A couple mornings I asked Hubby to feed or nebulize the baby while I pumped and he started with the attitude about how he was going to be late for work. On a normal day I wouldn't care, but I was sick and with Peanut not going to daycare, he was able to sleep in an extra 30+ minutes each day. Yet sick Mommy still had to get up early to feed, nebulize and pump. A regular work day is me up at 5 in order to pump, shower and dress, feed the baby (and now nebulize, too), pump again, get all our gear/food in order, and maybe walk the dog. Hubby gets up at 6:15-6:30 and basically only gets himself ready...maybe walks the dog. He does take Peanut in to daycare, but that's where I drew the line. I have a 40 minute commute. He works 10 minutes from the house. On days I have to take Peanut to daycare, it adds 30 minutes to my drive.

Hubby also just bought an rc plane which is consuming a lot of time. I wanted to go shopping on Saturday, but slept in after the early morning feed-nebulize-pump seesion, due to the nasty bug. Hubby was out all afternoon doing plane-related stuff, so by the time he got home, I didn't feel up to going out. Sunday afternoon was pretty much dedicated to the plane, and so was last night. Last night Hubby held the baby while I ate dinner (Peanut has radar and always gets needy at dinnertime), then was back at the plane until it was my bedtime and I asked him to come in. We spent no time even hanging out together. I'm trying to be patient and I realize that Hubby's work has gotten more stressful lately and that he needs time to unwind. But so do I. In the evenings I'm too tired to go out and if I stay home, I'll end up holding the baby for 2 or 3 hours while sitting on the couch. Not such a horrible thing, but not exactly Mommy relaxing time either. Tonight I'm going shopping for a baby shower and a bridal shower. I can't wait. Pretty sad.

I am feeling worn out and disappointed in myself today. It's been a rough week or so. Last week was Hubby's on call week which always is a source of stress for both of us. Peanut is still co-sleeping, but sleeps best when he's snuggled up to Hubby. One of us always sleeps with an arm under Peanut's head/neck just to make sure he doesn't get rolled on or smothered under bedding. While Hubby was sick, he slept in another room. Peanut did well in bed with me one night, I think because I didn't go to bed until he had his last bottle and was zonked out. The other night he couldn't settle down, so I put him in his bassinette. So of course he woke up in the middle of the night and needed to be fed. He went back into the bassinette until he started coughing, then he came back in bed with me and wiggled and squirmed and kept me awake. (He does a coughing/choking thing now - we don't know if he's choking on saliva or if it's reflux. His chest is clear, so the pediatrician is not concerned.) Solo feedings mean that I have to hold him upright for 20 minutes or so to keep reflux in check, then get him settled down so I can pump. Generally, a solo feeding takes an hour or more. Not my idea of fun at 3 am.

Peanut had his 4-month Well Baby appointment on Monday. What a mess. He was sound asleep at daycare when I picked him up. He was fine until I put him in the carseat. The crying began. He dozed back off during the ride, but as soon as we were in the door at the pediatrician's, the screaming started. I tried giving him a cold bottle, which pissed him off more, and he just spit the milk out. Then we had the shots. More screaming. He zonked out during the car ride home and was very happy to get a warm bottle at home. He did fine all evening, but woke up at 4 am screaming for a bottle and with a fever. Hubby freaked at how warm he felt, so I took his temp, and it was below the amount that would warrant a middle-of-the night phone call, so we gave him some Tylen*l, fed him, and went back to bed. I decided to stay home with him yesterday since he was still warm in the morning and was really fussy. No matter how I held him yesterday, he couldn't get comfy. He finally napped in his swing for a short while in the morning and for a good 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Those naps allowed me to pump, eat, and catch a little sleep. Nothing is more stressful than trying to pump while the baby is screaming. And I feel like shit that he doesn't seem to like having me hold him. No matter how many times I try to find a comfy position, it doesn't work. Give him to Hubby and he settles right down.

During one of his naps, Mom called, crying, asking if we could put some money in her account. Turns out she's really sick and had difficulty breathing during the night, but wouldn't call the ambulance. She did get to see the doctor and has the flu and a respiratory infection. They gave her 2 antibiotics plus a shot for her neuralgia. The Lid*caine patches she was using for the neuralgia gave her a rash and they attempted to put her on Neur*ntin for it last week- she had been on it twice before as a mood stabilizer and it messed her up. I reminded her of the side effects she had last time and suggested she tell the doctor. The doctor wanted her to try anyway. One dose was all she needed to realize it wasn't going to work. So I have a frightened Mom who is sick and in pain and scared to be alone and I won't risk exposing Peanut. I feel like shit for not helping her, but I am also burned out from dealing with her health issues and relieved to have a valid excuse not to deal with them.

It's only Tuesday and already the week has been crazy. I've been in a bad/down mood because Peanut started daycare on Monday and I'm sad about that. I'm only working half-days for another month or so and I hate that he's there for roughly 5 hours a day. I'm dreading going back full-time and him being there for 9 hours a day (I'm having mother's guilt big time). So far he's doing really well, though. The daycare ladies say he's happy and they seem to enjoy him. They're also mighty impressed with his loud "Daddy burps". I've jokingly asked Hubby if he slips beer into Peanut's bottles...I guess I'm not the only one who's impressed by his burping abilities.

Yesterday, one of the people from work discovered that our ultralow freezer crapped out over the weekend and everything thawed. DNA samples, reagents, everything. Some of it irreplaceable, some of it very expensive. The freezer has an alarm that sounds if it warms above -70C. So that fucker had to have been beeping all weekend and noone noticed or bothered to notify any of the labs that use the freezer.

This morning our lab flooded. A pipe joint separated and flooded our whole lab. Luckily the shop guys and custodial crew had it mostly mopped up before I even got there, although my boss's office still has a wet carpet (thank god he's out of town this week.) The pipe has been repaired, but the cabinetry under the sink is a swollen mess, the laminate is peeling off, and one of the doors fell off.

Tonight hubby called to say he'd been in a fender bender. He was issued a brand new car last week and somebody rear-ended him, then tried to run. He managed to pull them over and had to stay at the scene until the investigation was complete.

Then best friend called to say they had been in a fender bender, too and she's worried about the guy that hit them - he had no license or insurance and appeared to be strung out on something, so she's afraid he may come after them since he has their address from the driver's license.

Hubby finally got home and went out to walk the dog. As I was washing baby bottles, I heard a noise in the back yard. A punkass kid flew threw on his bike. As I was heading to the back door to tell him to get the fuck outta my yard, hubby (followed by the dog) ran after the guy yelling at him to stop. Then our cop neighbor also ran through. Apparently the kid was smoking weed and hubby was trying to catch him. The kid got away, so Hubby is now out in his car looking for him.

Whew.