The outcome of Mom's hearing was as expected - she'll be held for 6 additional months.

I asked Mom what was going on and she said she’s feeling a lot of guilt over being in the hospital and her inability to help when the baby comes. I spoke a few days later to the doctor who reiterated the same. Mom is anxious, depressed, and feeling helpless. Oh, and our visits stress her out, too. (I had already guessed at that). She’s brought all this up in therapy and mentioned how Gramma used to do the same to her. Gramma was a pro at guilt-tripping (and was likely bipolar).

So now I’m feeling bad. I know that Mom’s illness is hers alone and my life really has nothing to do with it. But still, it’s hard not to feel a tiny bit shitty that our visits get her into a tizzy and that my pregnancy has contributed to her decline.

I’m also relieved. Her original release date was about a month before my due date and I can’t imagine dealing with her and a newborn. I can imagine her calling me multiple times a day, unable to cope, wanting to move out of the group home, and wanting me to take her to the hospital. I can picture me, a newborn, and Mom sitting in the ER for 4-10 hours waiting for a bed to open, all the while her begging/griping at me to leave, that she doesn’t really need to be there, doesn't want to be there…

(I have an unspoken rule: if I take Mom to the hospital, she’s not leaving until she’s been evaluated.)