Monday, September 20, 2004

I had a wonderful weekend – my dad was in town so I was able to see him both Saturday and Sunday. He came out to our house on Saturday and spent the day. Hubby was called out on an attempted homicide, so Dad and I had some good catching-up time together. Yesterday I drove out to his hotel and had lunch and spent the afternoon with him. We talked some about Mom and the whole situation with her. I told him how I’m still having a difficult time dealing with her and what our relationship has developed into. He helped me feel a little better about it all and shared some experiences he had with her when she was first diagnosed and was unstable for over a year.

It’s funny…as a kid I didn’t feel all that close to him. I loved him and wanted to be a part of his life, but I also was afraid of him and felt that I was part of his old life, second to his new life with Stepmom. He also was away on business a good bit of the time which didn’t help. Sometimes I’d go 2 or 3 months without seeing him. Now I’m close to him and Stepmom and have a better relationship with them than I do with Mom. I really wish they lived closer to us. It would be nice to have them drop by for dinner or spend the day shopping with Stepmom.

This morning I had a meltdown. I’m already missing my dad (shit, I’m gonna start crying at work). He’s 66, dealt succesfully with prostate cancer last year, and I know he’s not going to live forever. Since I only see him once or twice a year, he usually looks older each time I see him and it’s really hard to take. I’ve also had a cold/bad allergies kicking my ass for the past week and have been very tired. Then last night I got really bad intestinal cramps and pressure, but could not take a poop. I convinced myself I was going into early labor and got freaked out. Hubby talked me down this morning and suggested that maybe Peanut was pressing against my intestines. Thankfully, I have an OB appointment today, so I’m going to unload all my pregnancy anxiety on her and see if she has any answers.

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