Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Things checked out OK at the doctor's appointment. According to the OB, it's physically impossible for the baby to be kicking against my intestines or rectum, but things are getting squished by my ever-growing uterus. Since I'm short, I can expect a lot more discomfort.

I do wonder how much the doctor really knows is going on. The visits are short and consist of: urine sample, weight, blood pressure, listening to the baby's heartbeat for maybe 20 seconds, and measuring my belly.


Being pregnant has brought my own mortality into the forefront of my thoughts. Of course, I worry about the baby - that he'll be born healthy and without complications, and that he'll go on to live a long, happy, and healthy life. The thought of bringing a child into this world has confirmed that time goes forward. That's it. No going back. Only forward and getting older.

I've also thought a lot about hubby and my parents. I can't imagine what life would be without hubby. Sure, I could survive on my own, but I wouldn't want to. It would be sad and difficult. I pray our child can have both of his parents around, hopefully well into adulthood.

Then there are the parents. I wrote about Dad recently. I worry about Mom and Stepmom, too. Besides the mental health issues, Mom has high blood pressure and cholesterol, degenerative arthritis in her back, is somewhat sedentary, and doesn't eat too well. My grandfather died of a heart attack when mom was in her late 20s. I know he was older than she is now, but not that much - maybe 10 years. Stepmom's family has a nasty history of cancer - her mom and aunt both were heavy smokers and died from lung cancer. All three of my parents used to be heavy smokers.

I try not to think of all these things, and I know it's not worth worrying about - mortality is something we have no control over. But the thoughts creep into my head anyway.

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