Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Mom called just after lunch yesterday. She was in a tizzy and needed me to come right way. "This place is killing me. I'm confused. My brain is slowly dying," was her explanation. I mulled the situation over for a few minutes, scarfed down the rest of lunch, and drove over.

I tried to figure out what was going on and pretty much decided she's working herself into hysteria because she doesn't want to be in assisted living. I called her counselling office and they said to have her evaluated at the ER. We packed up some of her clothes and headed to the hospital (note-Mom's assisted living is down the road from my job, which is 30-40 minutes from hometown and the hospital, doctor's offices, pharmacy, etc. A pain in the ass.) On the way out, we let one of the staff know. When asked what was wrong, Mom just said she was sick. I elaborated that she's depressed and isn't happy in assisted living. Apparently she put up a front and acted fine all morning. I told her how frustrated I was with her for pulling that manipulative crap. Maybe if she would talk to the staff or someone there, they could help her.

They got her into a bed within 30 minutes - amazingly fast. Then she started freaking out about not wanting to be there and could she just come home with me (light bulb on!- that's what she really wanted.) Thankfully, she had already signed the voluntary admission paperwork. We had some interesting company in the psych section. A young woman with visual and auditory hallucinations (she was maybe 20 years old - God, that must be horrible) and another woman my age who was in for drug detox and had diabetes and congestive heart failure. I stayed with Mom for a few hours, then left when Hubby got off work. An afternoon of work lost. I'm still catching up from Peanut's strep episode and am putting together the damn presentation which is 3 weeks away and stressing me out.

I spoke with her psychiatrist today. He has no answers as far as what to do with her. He only deals with meds as most of the p-docs here do (WTF ever happened to the psychiatrists who take the wholistic therapy and drug approach?) His opinion - she's having a "tantrum" because she doesn't want to be in assisted living and therefore won't stay there. I'd say he hit the nail right on the head.

So, what do I do? Do I make her hold up her end of the 1-month trial period bargain, knowing she'll end up back in the hospital within a week? Do I bring her home for a few days/weeks until she's stable and risk my own mental health and marriage? (Yeah, living with her is that bad.) Do I take her to check out the ALF in hometown, the one she keeps talking about but knows nothing about? Do I look into the mental health group homes, the ones she used to work at and would be miserable in?

I feel like a shitty child. I have no more patience for Mom, her drama, her wallowing in self-pity, her inability/refusal to make an effort at staying in assisted living.

I'm fed up with being yanked around. Oh, she loooooved the ALF when we visited it the first time. Now it's dirty and filled with of old people on the brink of death. I guess she somehow managed not to notice the old people on our visit. The place is clean and much, much nicer than the shithole she went to a few years ago. She wants her trailer back. She wants to stay at my house. She wants to be in the hospital. Wait, no, she doesn't want to be in the hospital.



stefanierj said...

Oh, honey, for what it's worth, I think you are an amazing child--putting up with the stress as well as dealing with the heartache of wanting to give your mom everything is really hell. We are going through the same thing with my Nana. She HATED her nursing home for the first 6 mos but has grudgingly decided it's not soooo bad. You have to remember that what she REALLY wants, you can't give her: she wants to be young and independent again. So since you can't give her that, you give her what you feel is best--even if she doesn't feel that way right now.

Since I'm all about the assvice this morning: Look at it this way: if she's not going to be happy in any place (because you know if she moved back to her trailer, she'd still have issues--they'd just be different issues, and if she moved into your place, then EVERYONE would have issues), then put her where it's most livable for you. The bitch of getting old and unable to take care of yourself 100% is that you have to let the people who ARE taking care of you do what THEY think is best.

I'm so sorry I can't help, but I will pray for y'all if that's OK.

{{big hugs}}

selzach said...

Prayers, good thoughts, or anything positive are always welcome. Thanks for your kind words, Stef. It means a lot.

StaceyG said...

You are NOT a shitty child - you are a human being. I don't remember reading anywhere that taking care of mom was a requirement. You're doing it out of the kindness of your heart!