Mom has laid down a thick Christmas guilt trip. I called her on Thanksgiving and she started in on it. “I’m really upset that you said I can’t come on Christmas and talked to the doctor about it. I don’t understand why I can’t come, so the doctor wanted me to ask you to clarify…” Arrrgh. Because it’s 6 hours of driving. Because you were miserable and horrible to be around during our last visit. Because I have to work the 24th and daycare is closed that day, so Hubby has to stay home with the kids and Bean is too young to be dragged to the state hospital to pick you up. Because I want to enjoy the holiday rather than be stressed and short with Hubby, all the while wondering if I’ll have to make a trip to the crisis unit with you. Because I’m still expressing milk and will have to pump at least once during the trip and I hate pumping in the car. Because I simply don’t want you to come.

I’ll probably end up taking Bean to daycare on the 26th and bringing Peanut with me to pick her up. Daycare will add another hour to the crappy 6-hour round-trip drive (if traffic isn’t crazy), but according to Mom, that shouldn’t stop me from providing her with a Christmas holiday. I’ll also have to find someplace where I can discreetly pump milk, but that shouldn’t be a problem either. After all, Mom’s feelings are the only ones that matter, right? Hubby can take her back on the 29th. I will speak with the social worker first (if I can ever get in touch with her) to make sure she thinks Mom is well enough to visit.

I really, really don’t want to do this, but the guilt is winning.


EDITED: I was wrong about daycare's closing dates. They are open for a partial day on Dec 24th and closed both the 25th and 26th, so there's no possibility of Mom coming for the weekend. She could possibly come on the 2nd and return the 4th of January. I left a message for the social worker to see if she thinks Mom is well enough and eligible for a weekend pass.

EDITED AGAIN: Wow, the social worker returned my call in record time. She thinks Mom will be OK for a visit, but will discuss it with the treatment team and psychiatrist. We also talked about the last visit and how I feel that Mom will need consistent care whenever she is discharged.