Dear Coworkers (this goes out to two of you),

Please do not tell me I need to do something for you. Instead, ask. Throwing in a please would be acceptable. One of my personality quirks is that I hate being told what to do, especially by subordinates. And it's kinda rude.

If the phone is ringing, and you're closest, answer it. I pick up plenty of your calls when you're busy. I could just as easily ignore the phone or decide not to pick up when your calls pop up on the ID screen.

Post-doc coworker: if you need my assistance, ask. Don't send the other coworker to do it for you. Or have her tell me I need to help you. Again, rude. I don't understand why you can never directly ask anyone for anything. I have to relay requests from you to our other hourly worker. Now you have someone relaying your messages to me. The two of you are getting on my last sleep-deprived nerve.

If you have questions about the new equipment you just got, call the manufacturer. I grilled the rep with as many questions as I could think of before we ordered it. You're the one who will use it; I can't read your mind to figure out what you need.

This is for the faculty couple in the other department: get over yourselves. Yes, I realize you both have PhDs and feel superior to those of us too lazy/hick/stupid/slow/worthless to also have PhDs. Honestly, the rest of us see you for what you are: snobs. We may be uneducated (relatively) but we're not dumb. And some of us have been working here for a decade or two. We may lack in education, but we're full of experience. You might want to listen to us once in a while. You might just learn something. When one of us has the audacity to say "hello" or make small talk with you in the hallway, the appropriate response is a polite one. Inappropriate responses are ignoring the person, giving an icy, brusque reply, or stating "I'm working".

Me